Check Your Head
Posted Wednesday 05/05/2010 5:30 PM in Stupid Fun by Gillian Telling
Filed under: oral sex, sex, check your head
My friend Mandy describes the first time she got amazing head as “the first night of the rest of my sex life.” “I had enjoyed sex up to that point, even enjoyed guys going down on me—so I thought,” she says. “But when I was 25, I had a one-night stand with a guy who did things with his tongue that made me lose all control, things I didn’t even know I wanted him to do. My body was literally shaking. It was the holy grail of oral, and I’ve been chasing it ever since.” ● It’s a fact: Awesome oral sex skills can turn you from a random fling into the guy she still talks about six years later over mimosas with her friends. And because I believe that every girl deserves good head, and every guy deserves to be a hero, I’ve gathered top-secret tips from women on how to please them below the belt—every time. Read on for the only guide to oral sex you’ll ever need.
The Big Idea
The first rule of thumb (or tongue) is that giving oral sex is about one thing and one thing only—the clitoris. “I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to have a guy go down on me, put just the right amount of pressure on my clit, and then wander off on a fool’s errand around the rest of my nether regions,” says Jenna, a 29-year-old grad student.
Abby, a 27-year-old event planner, agrees: “The clitoris has tons of nerve endings concentrated onto a tiny surface. Skipping over it or straying from it would be like a girl giving head to a dude and only licking his balls, or giving the tip just a few seconds of attention before heading off to kiss his thighs.” So first and foremost, find the clitoris, and once you find it, stay put.
Sweat the Technique
Because the clitoris is such a sensitive spot, finding the right amount of pressure for the woman you’re with is key. While this definitely varies from girl to girl, there is one general rule: Too much pressure will be painful (you’ll feel her pull away a bit), and too little will be a waste of time (she’ll lie there like a veal cutlet). For a foolproof move, try putting your lips around the bean and moving it in and out of your mouth with a soft sucking motion, using your tongue to stimulate it directly at the same time. “The first time a guy did this to me, it blew my mind,” says Jessie, a 27-year-old architect. “It was twice the stimulation, super intense. I thought he was a genius.”
Most women will also get off from you flicking your tongue on their clit over and over—so long as you keep the pressure and the pace steady. (That means no making the alphabet, no matter what you heard in high school.) “My ex was the best at locking into a rhythm and then just repeating the same motion until I exploded,” says Shana, a 30-year-old nurse. “He would either go up and down or make what felt like figure eights. God, I miss getting head from him.”
Out-of-Body Experience
Like guys who have anxiety about penis size, a lot of women are self-conscious about what’s going on under their underthings—and that interferes with their ability to relax and get off when you’re going down. If your girl shifts uncomfortably as you head south or says you “don’t have to do that if you don’t want to,” she’s likely just feeling insecure.
The secret pass to her honey pot is to reassure her. Tell her you’re dying to do it, that it turns you on, and that you love the view from down under. “The best oral I ever had was when a guy told me I had a ‘gorgeous pussy,’ ” says Yumi, a 32-year-old massage therapist. “He made me feel so proud of it, I just kicked back and let him go to town. Because I was so relaxed, I got off in about 30 seconds.” Bottom line: If you love it, she’ll love it.
Pleasure Principle
How do you know if all your hard work is paying off? When a woman is really enjoying herself while you’re downtown, she’ll let you know vocally and physically. “I always grab my boyfriend’s hair when he starts licking me,” says Mandy, a 27-year-old waitress, “and when it’s really amazing, I’ll pull it hard or lift up my hips and sort of press them into him. That’s my clue for him to keep going just like that—no straying, no changing pressure; I’m about to get off.” Mandy also likes to move her boyfriend’s head to direct him to the ideal spot to make her come. “It may be almost perfect, but ever so slightly off to the right or left, so I’ll just nudge him with my hands to the exact spot I want him in and then let him take it away!”
One thing you don’t need to do to gauge her reaction is constantly look into her eyes.
“I love watching my man go down on me, but when he’s staring right back at me, it’s distracting!” laughs Natalie, a 26-year-old nanny. Another focus killer? Interrupting your amazing oral to ask, “Are you close?” It’s tough to do two things with your mouth at once, so keep the talking to a minimum and concentrate on giving us the good stuff.
The Next Level
If your goal is to make a girl come, there are a few tips to speeding up the process and doubling her pleasure. One key principle is, the wetter the better. So don’t be afraid to get a little extra moisture on her—but no matter what you’ve seen in porn, no spitting, please. If a guy dove between my legs and hocked a loogie on me, I’d be tempted to “accidentally” box his ears.
Most girls also recommended that you keep it simple. A finger or two inside of her while you’re going down can feel really good, but it could translate to a loss of focus on the main act. Before you start trying to stimulate her inside and out, work on your tongue aerobics. To get the easiest access to her most sensitive part, use your fingers to spread the area open or to pull up slightly on her pubic mound. She’ll thank you for taking the most direct route to her happiness.
Give and Ye Shall Receive
Women know that not all men love going down, but resist using it as a bargaining chip (“I’ll do it for you if you’ll do it for me.”). As with most things that require effort, it comes with its own rewards. “Oral is always a part of our sex routine, and I love that my boyfriend loves to do it so much,” says Jenna. “It makes me feel sexy, which makes me want to go down on him, too.” If you relax and go for it, that makes us feel uninhibited. So use your head—chances are she’ll use hers, too.